Symptoms of WITHDRAWAL

Downroad to 2015, when I moved to Mumbai with a heavy heart, depressed and repressed with life, with a confusion that would happen next. Will Mumbai be a happy chapter or will it further drain me. I never realised that I was draining already. I was lost and the reality of broken life was just terrifying me. 

Well all this while I never realized that I was losing memory, that I'd stop thinking or valueing people and that I was just moving without any proper construct to path forward. 

It was real soon, in 2021 I'd say, that I realized the real time, the presence, the world around me, and the value of life.. but feels like its too late! I hardly remember that was it 2015 or even earlier, because I am uncertain on most of my memories. Have I lost them or are they there, just hidden somewhere. I don't know, this feeling smashes me off. I'm scared of today and I am scared of tomorrow. When I meet people, I really force myself to be involved, I really feel put off and that I don't have interest in anything, nothing excites me or turns me off, nothing brings joy and nothing breaks me off.

Everyday now I struggle with the same challenge that how to bring me back, back to someone living in the present, who knows and understands what's happening, who doesn't forget things, time, happenings. Its full of embarrassment that you don't remember things. You talk to people referring to some old good memory and you just don't recall. Such a guilt! Such disrespect for the person in front, I hated it.

Now that I am aware of it, I promise to work on it. I still don't know how and where should I start, but I'll take care that I don't affect my life and my work beyond this point. Enough now, I'll be me again!